


Your love is worth thousands years of pain

by Nephilimsxdownworlders



Series: BlackHawk [2]
Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Break Up, Hope, Hurt, Love, cry, life - Freeform, talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:58:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nephilimsxdownworlders/pseuds/Nephilimsxdownworlders
Summary: Magnus Bane has left a heart broken Alec.Alec doesn't let anyone talk to him, and stays in his locked and dark room. But when Skye comes in, he doesn't have the energy to make her leave. Instead he listens to what she has to say.When she leaves, the boy is still heart broken, but the pain eased and allowed place for hope.





	Your love is worth thousands years of pain

She didn’t knock on the door before entering the room, as she knew that she wouldn’t get any response. Alec Lightwood had been in his room for two days now, not daring to speak to anyone, not letting anyone speak to him. He shouted at his parabataï who had gathered all his courage to come and accompany his brother in his pain. He rejected any kind of help, so why would it be different if it came from Skye ?  
The archer and the new girl hadn’t really talked since her arrival, so her presence in his room couldn’t have been allowed by the man if he would’ve considered talking.  
She never tried to talk to him, but nonetheless, they shared many glances as he was the only one that suffered his way watching all of the girl’s training. He couldn’t support the fact that he should’ve been at her place, he should’ve been the one with the agony. So he tortured himself by watching all of her killing sprees.

Today though, he hadn’t been able to come and suffer, as he was already suffering silently on his own, in his dark room.

She opened the door shyly and apprenhesively as she waited to hear the archer’s shouts and cries to beg her to leave him alone. Instead, he was sitting on the hard ground, kneels to his heart, against the end of his bed.  
Alexander didn’t look up, didn’t flinch when he heard the door open. He stayed there, frozen as ice, he didn’t move, he didn’t care.

Skye came by his side, let herself slide against the wooden bed, and sat, in silence, next to the raven-haired man.

They sat in silence for half an hour. The silence was unbearable as it held all the cries, the anguish, the hurt, the pain, the ache, and the loneliness of the eldest son of the Lightwood family.

« He’s afraid » she dared to speak at last. Alec tilted his head to look at her with his puffy red eyes. They burnt so hard as he never stopped crying, just a look of his eyes made Skye’s burnt too. He was just the shell of himself, as if the flame that was burning in his body, the flame of his soul had been extinguised by his tears.  
« He’s afraid » she said again, but this time the raven haired didn’t move, resting his head on the wood. « He’s afraid, because yes, you’re going to die one day. It’s a miracle that you are still alive, as Shadowhunters don’t hold much pride and love for life. He’s afraid, because he’s going to be the one left standing », « barely standing » she added rapidly. The silence filled the room again. 

« He’ll be the one left alone. He’ll be expected to live his life, to live on, but how could he ? How could he live on without you Alec? Since you are his life ? ».

« It’s you’re voice », she stopped to breath, to exhale and inhale, as this talk was as much for Alec as it was for her. As this talk didn’t only apply to Alec, but applied to her and she was selfish enough to pronouce those words because she needed to hear them aswell. « The first thing he’ll forget is your voice. How it cracks at the end of your sentences. How it goes in high pitches when you say lovely words to him. he’s going to forget the way you laugh, how you laugh when your nervous, or how you burst out because of a stupid joke. » She turned her head away from Alec, she didn’t want to show her weakness. « Then it’ll be your scent. He’ll try everything to remember, but there’s no point, as he’ll never see you again. »

« He’ll still be utterly and madly in love with you, but that won’t prevent the memory of you to falter. Magnus will hate himself ». As the girl pronouced his love’s name, Alec flinched. « He’ll hate himself, because as much as he’ll think about you, as much as he’ll love you, he’ll be aware of what he’ll be forgetting, of what his memory cannot hold. Yeah, he’s going to forget your voice, your smell and then, he’s going to forget the color of your eyes. The way he linger to catch their color, the way he gets lost in them. He’s going to forget the feeling of safety he feels when your gaze brushes his skin. So he is going to hate himself because you wouldn’t have forgotten those things about him, if he were the one who’d died. »

The silence that fell in the room was far from the one before she came. This one was filled with memories. Memories of loved ones, Max, Samuel, Magnus, Isabelle, Jace, Clary. This silence, this void was filled with compassion and worry, love and fraternity, knowledge and tenderness.

« He’ll despised himself the day he’ll wake up and you won’t be the first thought on his mind. He’ll detest the way that he won’t look at a picture of you with the same pain, and hurt, and mourn as he used to look at it. And then, maybe in a thousand years or two, you’ll be « Alexander Lightwood a boy he once loved deeply » and this will be unbearable for him, as he knows it is not the truth. As he knows that the only thing keeping him alive is the thought of you. The height of his pain will be the day he’ll find someone he cares deeply for. But, not as deeply as his love for you, and it’s going to be the second worse day of his life, because how dare he get attached to anyone else in this way. It’s going to be the second worse day because you’re death will be the first. »

Skye’s cheeks were flooded with tears, her mind wondering in the land of the losts, and her love lingering on the thought of her Samuel.

« He’s afraid of losing you alltogether because he knows that without you he is useless, that without you life his not worth the pain. And he has been selfish enough of wanting you that he fell hard, heavily, and intensively in love with you. He has been selfish enough to want you all to himself, but now that he can’t bare the thought of losing you to the arms of death, he decided to lose you at his hand. At least like that, it might hurt less when you’ll leave us. At least like that, he’ll still have some time in your company to get over the breakup and escape the heaviness of mourning the death of his love. »

The archer hadn’t moved a centimeter since she began talking. He was listening, concentrating on the words but only half of them met his ears. His mind was strolling all over. He needed to hear all of this, he couldn’t have figure it out by himself since he never had to witness the death of someone he loved, except his brother’s. But, the way Skye depicted it, it wouldn’t hurt the same was when Max died, even if the memory of his brother ached him the same way it ached him in the first minutes of his death.  
If the raven-haired didn’t sniff, one could think that he fell asleep, or worse. Magnus was and is everything to him, but the pain he felt in his heart seemed to never vanish, it seemed as if it had taken shelter in the endocardium of his heart, in his flesh, and never wanted to leave.

 

« I know you want imortality Alec », the boy fevershly glanced at her « he didn’t tell me, but it’s not hard to know. He loves you enough to make sure that you won’t carry the losses, the pain, and much more that imortality gives. It is not a gift, I can assure you of that, even if I haven’t lived long enough to know it for myself. I have seen enough, I have heard enough to know. Don’t hold it against him, but love him, fight for him, fight for you, because as much as he stopped fighting, he still has hope that one day we’ll wake up to your beautiful face. He wants a family, children, he wants a life full of memories with you. He cherishes you too much to make you love him for all of your life, since he didn’t love you for all his four hundred years on this earth, and he will surely love you for the rests of his life, until his last breath vanishes. And if there’s a small possibility of life after, he’ll love you even then. »

Skye painfully got up. Her whole body was trembling.

« Don’t get it wrong Alec, your love is worth thousands of years of pain. So you should fight for him, fight for the memories, fight for your love. Because, nephilim love once, and the once is rather hard to find. But you did. And found it fast, so don’t let it slip through your fingers. Make him believe, make him see that there’s something to fight for. Because at the end to the day, love is what drives everyone of us, it what make life beautiful, it what makes us worth living it. »

She walked soundlessly towards the door, leaving the poor broken hearted Lightwood son to his thoughts, and as she shyly closed the door, Alec looked up to her.

« Thank you » was all he could master inbetween his sobs.

« He loves you, remember that » And the door closes, letting darkness fill the room once more.


End file.
